Harry Redknapp and Sam Allardyce, Tom Lehmann and Tiger Woods, Redknapp, Steve Cram and Linford Christie, Redknapp and Sir Alex Ferguson. And Redknapp.
Steven Downes sifts through what has been said during a torrid past seven days of sport
“I’m a million per cent the innocent party” – Harry Redknapp , pictured right, demonstrating an interesting grasp of figures ahead of the transmission of BBC’s Panorama investigation into football’s bung culture
“I’ll get the profile and I’ll walk straight into the office and sit down with me Dad. It’s easy, it’s easy” – former football agent Craig Allardyce, son of Bolton manager, Sam Allardyce, on the hard life of an agent
“Take the rest of the year off” – Shaun Micheel to his caddie at Wentworth after poor club selection saw the American duff his ball over the back of 16th green during the World Match Play final which he lost to Paul Casey
“I have never taken a bung in my life and never will. It can’t happen these days” – Redknapp, speaking on Saturday after his Portsmouth side had just gone to the top of the Premiership
“There’s managers out there who take bungs all day long. I would say to you comfortably there’s six to eight managers we could definitely approach and they’d be up for this no problem” – Charles Collymore, a football agent caught by the Panorama sting. Luton boss Mike Newell later confirmed that Collymore had offered him illegal inducements
Winston Churchill he is not
“OK, he’s not Winston Churchill when it comes to oratory – but he 
wasn’t selected as captain to be an orator. He was selected to bring home the Ryder Cup” – Ian Woosnam’s agent, David Barlow
“A thoroughly uninspiring, comically overpriced, Americanised resort course beside some gazillionaire’s lovely, green horsey estate” – Bruce Selcraig writing in the Irish Times about the K Club – pictured, and reputed membership fee: £250,000 – venue of the Ryder Cup
“I live in Arizona, the land of Mexican food” – Captain America Tom Lehman demonstrates the US’s usual grasp of geography
“Sure, I couldn’t afford a pint in the K Club, leave alone a ticket to the Ryder Cup” – Tony Ryan, a Kildare truck driver
The Telegraph‘s Martin Johnson finds some hope amid the Ryder Cup’s excesses:
If there is anything guaranteed to survive all this nonsense, it is Ireland’s legendary hospitality. A journalist sitting in a cab looking for his remote B & B accommodation down a series of unsignposted pitch-black country lanes on Monday night was beginning to despair of ever finding it when his driver said to him: “Don’t you go worrying yourself now. If we don’t find the place soon, I’ll phone the wife and have the spare room made up for you.”
Oi, Fatty! Wanna fight?
“If putting on all that weight works for Ricky, that’s his business. 
I couldn’t do it because I like to look in the mirror and say, ‘I look good’ and not ‘I look fat'” – New world light-welterweight champ Junior Witter, pictured, apparently hoping he can start a fight in the playground by calling Ricky Hatton a bit of a bloater
“Retirement? You must be joking, especially when you consider that the alternative is to stay at home with that wife of mine” – 65-year-old Sir Alex Ferguson shows a deftness of touch for Manchester United’s women fans
“There are always strong words, but I don’t know about any of these allegations, and I’m not going to talk about it†– Bath wing Andy Higgins, after his side’s Premiership game against Northampton was stopped following allegations from supporters of both sides that Higgins had been subject to racist abuse
Kim Fletcher in Monday’s Guardian:
Now that internet activity has been given a life of its own, old certainties are no more. We are moving towards the broadcast model, where different programmes have their own editors but their identities are barely known beyond their own staff. How will the power of the Telegraph editor, looking to fill his newspaper version, compare with that of the podcast chief, looking for instant comment? Is it the editor in chief or the managing director (editorial) laying down the rules?
“My brother works at a bank in the City with pretty well-educated people
and they know the law. They said, ‘You know she’s done it once, she’s done it twice, why the third time?’ But when you’re under pressure, things happen. In any case, it’s not always at the front of your mind” – Christine Ohuruogu, right, the Commonwealth 400m champion, goes some way to answering her own question as to why she has been suspended from athletics for a year after missing three out-of-competition test appointments
Apart from all the doping scandals 2006 was a good year for athletics – Guardian headline writer makes a bid for the year’s “But how was the play, Mrs Lincoln?” award
“On the one hand UK Athletics appoints Linford Christie as a mentor/coach or whatever it wants to call him, thinking it to be a good idea, and then almost simultaneously it stands by and watches one of its brightest talents, Ohuruogu, sacrificed in the name of proper process and setting an example” – Steve Cram
“For the sake of her own well-being and the sport, it would be best if she went away quietly” – Michael Johnson on Marion Jones, who (our lawyers tell us) has never failed a drugs test
Martin Samuel in The Times:
Around the dinner table, you will hear a hundred times that Redknapp is, well, you know, definitely a little bit how’s-your-father. I mean, have you seen his house? What you will not hear, from any of these well-informed, is the crucial detail of how, when, where or from whom. Panorama offered nothing in this area, attempting to smear Redknapp without nailing him
“As we have made clear any evidence from any source is welcomed. Indeed when the BBC initially approached us regarding Panorama‘s findings we requested they be submitted to Lord Stevens for investigation” – Statement on FA Premier League website after the Panorama programme was broadcast
“It’s a sad day when the media has to do the FA’s job” – football agent Mel Stein
“I’m looking forward to the programme – everyone should watch it and see for themselves what it is all about. I’ll be in Mansfield when it’s on, but I’m sure my wife will watch it” – Harry (again, sorry), this time planning a quiet evening in for Mrs Redknapp
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