“I write like a 2-year-old and can’t even fill in a team sheet”

Harry Redknapp struggles to get to grips with 21st century communication, Robert Rock’s hair steals the show, an epic Australian Open final and more disappointment in the desert. This week’s sports and media quotes

“I have a big problem. I can’t write… I can’t work a computer, I don’t know what an email is, I’ve never sent a fax and I’ve never sent a text message. I’ve never wrote a letter in my life. I write like a two-year-old and I can’t spell. I couldn’t even fill a team sheet in” Harry Redknapp, Tottenham manager, during evidence at his on-going tax court case.

Redknapp: hand signals

“You winding me up? Have you ever played football? I can’t believe you have asked that question. Why would I be disappointed for Evra?” Kenny Dalglish, Liverpool manager, and the only person at Anfield who appeared to think that the wholesale jeering of Manchester United skipper Patrice Evra had anything to do with football.

“If shaking the hand of the opponent is a farce, if it is more than anything an invitation to hypocrisy, what does it says about the inherent decency and sportsmanship of our national game?” James Lawton, The Independent‘s chief sports writer on the decision to cut out the handshakes between QPR and Chelsea over the race row involving John Terry and Anton Ferdinand.

“If AFC have to be 2-0 down every week to come out and play like that, I”ll have some of that!” Ian Wright on Twitter after Arsenal fought back from two goals down to knock Aston Villa out of the FA Cup.

“You’ve got perfect hair” Spectator to Robert Rock on his way to winning the Abu Dhabi golf championship

“There were some crazy guys out there shouting some pretty weird stuff but I got a lot of support and it was quite surprising, and kind of nice” Rock.

Novak Djokovic: picked himself up in Melbourne to reinforce his world No1 status

“We took the last drop of energy we had from our bodies. It was outrageous” Novak Djokovic after winning an epic Australian Open final against Rafa Nadal.

“If England are the best Test team in the world, how come Pakistan thought it would only take an indoor cricket total to beat them?” Martin Samuel asks the question in the Daily Mail.

“I’d struggle to think of a loss that has hurt more than this… and then you aren’t able to nail the final nail in the coffin” Andrew Strauss nails it after England are skittled for 72 in Abu Dhabi.

“I’ll say this, there’s plenty of room to park the car”  David “Bumble” Lloyd, Sky pundit.

“There was nothing wrong with his timing, he was just a bit late” Mark Bright, BBC football expert.

“I’ve never said the word ‘never'” Barry Hearn, snooker supremo, interviewed on Radio 5.

“The way it was pounced on by some people you’d have thought I was the bloke at RBS getting a £1 million bonus” Ian Holloway, Blackpool manager, recalling the revelation that he received a slice of Charlie Adam’s £7 million transfer to Liverpool.

“Paul is a good guy. Very tough, nasty in the right way. We were talking about life and family. It was a reunion” Paolo di Canio, the Swindon manager, still gets his message across after friend Paul Konchesky of Leicester somehow escaped a red card for a dreadful tackle in their FA Cup tie.

“There are very strong views in Parliament that there must be stronger limits on the power of the press and this would therefore, in my mind, open a Pandora’s box” Lord Hunt, chairman of the Press Complaints Commission, at the Leveson Inquiry.

“Once you allow the state into this area, whatever the best intentions may have been, you are by definition standing on the top of a slippery slope. Twenty, 25 years later, things change, politics change, it is quite possible a less permissive and liberal state, less conscious of our freedoms, might try to take advantage of that legislation to do things that would be offensive to the principle of freedom of expression” Sir Christopher Meyer, Lord Hunt’s predecessor at the PCC, argues against legislation to control the press.

“It would be far preferable if the written media themselves could clean out the stables, and I assume that there would be a consensus for that proposition. It would be clouded with a certain amount of doubt as to whether or not it would happen but that would be the most hopeful way forward” Lord Patten, former Conservative party chairman, now chair of the BBC Trust.

“There are some great British managers in the Championship and Leagues One and Two, but they will never get a chance because Premier League clubs look abroad” Steve Evans, the Crawley Town manager, overlooks the fact that there are only five foreign managers in England’s top flight.

“He’s only 21 so it’s a long-term project” Sir Alex Ferguson, Manchester United manager, defends struggling goalkeeper David de Gea – again.

“It’s about working hard, keeping my head down and getting on with it. It won’t be a dictatorship by any means” Chris Robshaw, named England rugby captain for the Six Nations after winning just a single Test cap.

“It’s the biggest rip-off in the history of London” angry mother on Mumsnet after hearing that London2012 are insisting even newborn babies will require a ticket.

Great Escape: Not for Alex Partridge

“Meredith…does not feel she can remain with the commission in light of LOCOG’s appointment of Dow Chemical as the stadium wrap supplier” Meredith Alexander‘s statement after resigning from the Commission for a Sustainable London 2012 in protest at the £7 million deal with the chemical giant, which has links to the Bhopal disaster in 1984.

“I am 31 and the body’s falling apart” Andy Turner, Commonwealth and European sprint hurdles champion, after revealing his Achilles tendon is so painful he can sometimes only get downstairs sideways.

“Two hours after a 88km bike ride we had a 22km ergo (rowing machine). It’s still 36C and we’re in this room with a corrugated iron roof. It’s like the cooler in The Great Escape. I was praying that our coach would give me a tap on the shoulder to stop. No one got the tap” Alex Partridge does Steve McQueen  on the British Olympic rowing team’s training regime in South Africa.