“Get down to Wickes for wall tiles at only £14.99 a pack”

The week of sport in quotes, compiled by IAN COLE, headlining with Joe Jordan and featuring Sarah Ayton, Kevin Pietersen, Richard Keys, Mike Summerbee, Felix Sanchez, Barry Hearn and Paul Ince

Bad call: Jordan, Redknapp and Gattuso exchange views at the San Siro

“He obviously hasn’t done his homework. He could have picked a fight with someone other than Joe” Harry Redknapp after his Spurs assistant manager, renowned hard man Joe Jordan, is head-butted (well, almost) by Milan captain Gennaro Gattuso at the end of Tottenham’s 1-0 Champions League win in the San Siro.

“It’s pathetic. Completely and utterly untrue and quite pathetic. He will have to account for himself to UEFA, but his allegation is something else. I’m not having that. Italy has played an important part in my life and will continue to do so” Joe Jordan, a former Milan player, in response to Gattuso’s claim that he’d insulted his nationality.

“Get yourself down to Wickes for ceramic wall tiles at only £14.99 a pack” Richard Keys and his first live, on-air advert on his new TalkSport radio show with Andy Gray.

“I am proud for Arsenal because everybody urged us to play differently to our nature. It feels good. More than pride” Arsene Wenger after his side beat Barcelona in the Champions League first leg tie at the Emirates.

“We’re trying to treat this match the same as any other. But we’ve brought extra cling film for the goal and we hope nobody notices when we put it up” Steve Evans, the Crawley Town manager, before their FA Cup-tie at Manchester United. The cling film was broken just once.

“We might have some players who don’t understand what the FA Cup is all about. Some came in and didn’t do themselves justice. In the second half we weren’t at the races” Sir Alex Ferguson was displeased with the performance of some of United’s fringe first-team players against Crawley.

“I am not sure what KIA Motors will have got out of Manchester United v Crawley on ITV but I presume that whoever is responsible for ‘The FA Cup brought to you by Keith, Ian, and Andy’ (Geddit? K, I and A) is pulling the old Shake ‘n’ Vac trick of a campaign so teeth-grindingly trite it sticks in the mind like chewing gum to the sole of your shoe” Martin Kelner on advertising and football.

“It was special – any football fan would admit that – but you can have too much of it. The day after the derby I came back from watching my grandson score two goals in his Sunday morning match, switched on the telly and there was that goal again. I gave it the quick change to Antiques RoadshowMike Summerbee, the former Manchester City forward, cites the frequent repetition of Wayne Rooney’s winner against City to defend his complaint that Sky Sports are biased towards the red half of Manchester. Sky say they will not use Summerbee as a pundit again.

“We came here a couple of years ago when I was at Spurs. Here, you have to be perfect. You get kicked, punched, elbowed and kneed. I don’t mean illegally. That’s just football” Gus Poyet learns about away games at Stoke after his Brighton side are beaten 3-0 in the FA Cup.

“Don’t try this at home. We’re professionals” Felix Sanchez, the former world and Olympic champion, before racing the rarely-run 400 metres hurdles indoors on the banked, 200-metre track at Birmingham.

“The referee has a minor sprained ankle from yesterday’s game. It wasn’t broken, as he thought. It was his pencil in his sock that snapped” Erol Umut, the Charlton physio, after treating referee David Webb during his side’s match with Peterborough.

“To have a giant of West Ham’s stature on our doorstep offering discounted and free tickets seriously brings into question the survival of Leyton Orient” Barry Hearn tackles the Premier League and the Government over West Ham’s proposed move to the Olympic Stadium.

“Maybe I wasn’t ready for it. I had players throwing their toys out of the pram and ringing their agents if they weren’t in the team. It was a madhouse, like looking after 24 kids” Paul Ince, reviving his managerial career with League One Notts County, recalls his time in charge of Premier League Blackburn.

Fast woman: Sarah Ayton and crewmates in action at the 2008 Olympics

“It was put to me at the end of the Australian tour and I was very excited. I went away and had a think for a couple of days. I’ll look to play my normal game and I have a nice little feeling about it” Kevin Pietersen is the latest England batsman to be tried as a one-day opener on the eve of the World Cup.

“To succeed at the highest level you have to be pretty single-minded and that just doesn’t fit happily when you’re a mum” Sarah Ayton, once one of “three blondes in a boat”, gives up trying to win a third Olympic sailing gold medal in 2012.

“The tin-pot dictators of these sporting fiefdoms take their events to countries run by regimes that mirror their own authoritarianism and may now be derailed by the local desire for self-determination. Just beautiful, isn’t it?” Martin Samuel, in the Mail, on how protests in Bahrain may postpone the first Formula 1 Grand Prix of the season, to Bernie Ecclestone’s discomfort.

Who will be this year’s SJA British Sports Journalism Awards winners?

Atherton? Collins? Copley? Heavey? Stelling? Samuel?

Book your tickets for sports journalism’s Big Night Out – the British Sports Journalism Awards on Monday March 7 – click here for a booking form


Mon Mar 7: 2010 SJA British Sports Journalism Awards, at The Brewery. Click here to book your tickets

Tue Apr 5: The SJA Olympic Question Time. Ticket booking to be launched in March.

Wed Apr 13: SJA 2011 Annual Meeting, at offices of UK Sport, Russell Square. Strictly SJA members only.

All details subject to alteration. Keep checking for updates